Archive for January, 2016

Ode to Tom’s Lawn

Monday, January 18th, 2016

I don’t know why I’m thinking about lawns now, but I am. Let me state up front that I have never been a lawn guy. Or a Lawn Guy, as the case may be. My enmity of manicured lawns probably started 35 years ago as I watched my father-in-law pour tons of fertilizer on his 600 square feet of Chicago-area lawn every week. Then he would complain about having to spend a large portion of his spare time mowing the damn lawn.
He was an interesting and, apparently, very conflicted guy when it came to lawn and yard care. This is probably attributable to the inescapable fact that, in his corner of suburbia, lawn care was indeed a competitive sport, one that you definitely did not want to lose at.
I didn’t really realize the conflicting emotions he endured relating to this until I was called upon to posthumously clean out his garage. There, piled to the ceiling in one corner was every issue of Organic Gardening magazine ever published. In the opposite corner of the garage, literally and figuratively speaking, sat containers of every pesticide, fungicide, rodenticide and biocide ever invented, in both liquid and granular form.
Needless to say, you will not find a single blade of grass at the Camellia Cottage Bed and Breakfast. It took me 10 years to accomplish it, but I finally pulled out every square foot of my cursed enemy. It was a day to remember when I finally retired that lawn mower. Come visit us and find out what I replaced all that lawn with.